Once upon a time there were several friends what had an idea about being in a band.

Roberto Masterto had come from Italian Stockland and knew what he wanted most in his whole life was to beat heavily upon some wood and metal. Seeing his chance early one morning at a Boys Brigade open day, he seized the moment and spent the next ten years perfecting a near perfect sneer what made him the very embodiment of Elvis Mary Presley behind what he was soon to start calling a kit.

Roberto found Dave Boy Guttridge underneath a clapped out Mk IV Cortina that were parked in the back road of Silver Street, where he lived. Wee Davey (for it was he) had just swapped a perfectly adequate Capri for this particular failed monster, and was beginning to have regrets, what with a long drive to work coming up the next day and all. Fortunately, all what were needed was a twist of Roberto’s drum key and the darned thing burst into life.

An early picture of the band, whilst known as 'The Five Aces' (1953-1955). Note the avoidance of eye contact that has been a hallmark of their performances to this day.

"How would I go about repaying you for all what you have done" gushed Wee Davey.

"Well, for a start you can pick up this four string guitar and join me in long tedious versions of Fabulous Thunderbirds numbers", said Roberto, mopping him up.

Meanwhile, in another part of what were essentially the same town, the watery and bloodshot eyes belonging to Christof Bryn Evans (what was from Bournemouth, in Wales), met upon the steady and manly figure that were born to be a frontman of some legend. But that be another story and it weren’t long after this point when he met the jibbering incompetent wreck what we have all come to tolerate as Kevin ‘devoid of any nickname’ Revell. Christof have been cursing his luck for much of the following lifetime but have muddled through on account of a drinking partnership what is stronger than horse glue.

"Let us start a band" they cried in unison after a night with Messrs Bulmer, Adnams & Beam.

And the very next day, almost to the decade, they did. Happening to what they both knew were the dangerous parts of the city, they skulked around in a way what were quite Victorian, and altogether nearly got themselves arrested what with the wearing of one too many frock coat and top hat combo. But eventually they happened upon Wee Davey stumbling out of a darkened churchyard where he’d been making a pact with the ghost of George Formby, what had taught Davey all he knew about the power chord.

"You look like a man who’d attach himself to a yellow guitar with not much persuading", said Kevin.

And he were.

And so them was four and the history might have been ended there. But while shopping for leek & potato, our four new friends happened upon a turned over truck spilling exotic fruit & veg all over the route. Spilling out of the truck were a dishevelled figure what had not had a bath in several days, and smelt much like the veg himself.

"What were be happening in yonder truck?", said Christof, who prided himself on speaking the language of the street.

The figure emerged from the shadows (what were a popular beat group in the 60’s). Quietly he explain how he lost control of his articulated combination while negotiating a tricky change to major on his harmonica. There were no question about it. As long as he weren’t allowed near any vehicle owned by the band or any friend or relative of the band, John-Boy Watchman was the fifth member what they didn’t know they’d been looking for.

The band last week. Chris and Dave (3 & 4 from left) are playing the hilarious 'ventriloquist's dummy' game, while Robert (right) is recovering from a nasty incident with an upturned drumstool.